The day the waffles came
by Psykotika
Summary: A truely classic angle of the Invader Zim crew. Gir is wacked, Zim finds a new obsession...waffles, and Dib, well Dib's just his normal interfering self...IN 3D! (use your imagination! USE IT!)
1. The day the waffles came ch 1

_No, of course I don't own the char's, I just enjoy them! And thank Jhonen Vasquez for the wonderful contribution he's made to society! grins evilly oh the wonderful insanity!_

_One fine day in the middle of a scenic and peaceful surburbia, there lived a little green boy, and his pet dog, and today was just another normal day..._

Gir ran screaming through the kitchen. This was the two-hundred and fifth time he'd done this. Zim began pounding his head on the table in a vain attempt to rid his brain of the sound.

"GIR!" Zim exploded on the two-hundred and sixth pass, "GO PLAY WITH DIB!"

"I WANNA TACO!" Gir screamed back with his usual logic, "OOOOKAAAY!" then ran outside and over to Dib's house.

Gir began pounding his metallic head on Dib's front door and head-butted Dib when he opened the door. Dib went flying across the room, quickly followed by Gir who was screaming about monkeys now. Gir sat on him and squealed. Dib pushed him off and sat up, rubbing his head and glaring at the oblivious little robot, who was now giggling and trying to talk to the refrigerater.

Gaz came in and smacked Gir on the head. Gir paused then yelled, "Okiedokey!" and flew out the door, leaving a flaming refrigerater and a scorched, blinking Dib in his wake.

_Meanwhile,_ in the precious moments of silence he'd bought, Zim took the toilet elevator to his lab. With frequent diabolical laughter and the ominous hissing of an arc welder he set to making....er.....well...waffles.

When Zim returned from the basement lab to present his wonderous invention to Gir, he found him trying to suck the bottom of the cup out of the peanut-butter-banana-berry slushee he had.

"Gir!" he exclaimed, "Come marvel at my brilliance! I've made waffles!" he held them above his head and struck a pose. "Do they not AMAZE you!?" he exclaimed.

Gir screamed happily, ran up to Zim and jumped the waffles and scarfed them down in bare seconds. Zim's eyes twitched, "...waffles..." he muttered hysterically.

_The next day,_ Zim was back in school. It was lunchtime and he was back to his regular routine of prodding his food with an eating utensil and waiting for something horrible to happen.

Dib walked up, "I bet you'd like it if you ever actually tried it!" he sighed disgustedly.

"NEVER!" Zim screeched, "Never shall Invader hands be fouled by your ugly human FILTH!!" he ended up standing on the table for emphasis and scattering the picked-over remains of his lunch across the cafeteria in the process.

Dib sighed, rolled his eyes and kept going, plans to expose Zim still rolling, not at all impeded by his brief verbal exchange.

"Eh?" Zim muttered, watching the far-too-quiet Dib walk away without levelling any more wild accusations. Zim got off the table when he realized how many people were staring at him. He looked for his 'lunch', and when he saw it scattered over the cafeteria, did a little happy dance.

_Back at the green kid's home..._

"Gir, the Dib-monkey is planning something HORRIBLE!" Zim was back to yelling at his oblivious robot. "I CAN FEEL IT IN MY JUICY MEATS!" he continued.

"YAY! Gir screamed happily.

"No Gir, that's bad," he sighed, with a mental reminder to do some work on his logic circuits. Zim returned to his pacing and slightly hysterical mutterings.

_Meanwhile, at Dib's house..._

Dark laughter echoed up the stairs from Professor Membrane's lab. Dib shot up the stairs, "Hey Gaz! Check this out!" he called halfway up. Then he tripped and a small silver object flew up the stairs ahead of him and blew a hole in the front door.

Dib shuffled up the last few steps, "Eh...hehehe," he muttered self-consciously and dove out the door. He ran outside after the silver object, which was currently bouncing towards the house across the street. He caught it inches from the house and ran back across the street. He ran up the stairs and barricaded his bedroom door.

A light went on in Dib's room, and insane laughter echoed from it.

_The next day..._

Zim spent the entire class glaring at Dib...who never actually noticed. "Zim," Ms. Bitters hissed, "You've got some horrible detention after horrible class."

"Eh?" Zim blinked, "What is this filthy human concept?!" he demanded.

The school bell found Zim cleaning chalkbrushes...though choking repeatedly on the dust and pantomiming his death in various amusing manners while screaming threats at the entire race of that horrible human filth would be a better description.

Dib stuck his head in the window and laughed at Zim. "Ha ha! Sucker!" he called tauntingly.

"Filthy...human...filth...with their...filthy...filth..." Zim interrupted his mutterings long enough to deck Dib with a chalk brush.

"VICTORY!" he crowed.

Moments later he found himself flat on his back with a chalk brush shaped dent in his forehead and Ms. Bitters standing over him, hissing.

"Eh...hehehe," he muttered and scrambled to his feet.

_That afternoon, back at base..._

Zim was still muttering angrily about filth when he slammed the door to his house and found Gir watching the angry monkey on TV. He shuddered, "That HORRIBLE monkey!"

"IT LOVES YOU!" Gir screamed, taking note of his master, though not taking his eyes off the screen.

"Yes yes, whatever," Zim muttered, rushing off to his lab. "I MUST know what the Dib-monkey PLANS! Yessss he thinks he can defeat the mighty ZIM! Stupid stupid human, HE WILL RUE THE DAY HE...er...what exactly did he do...?"

Gir jumped up and down beside him, "WAFFLES!!!" he screamed, "WHERE'D THE LIDDLE WAFFLES GOOOO?!?!" then he sat down and started crying.

"Of course!" Zim exclaimed, "Waffles!.... GIR!"

Gir jumped up and his eyes flashed red as he saluted, "YES SIR!"

"Bring us...the WAFFLES!" Zim thundered in his usual dramatic style.

"YAAAAY! THE WAFFLES!!" Gir ran around Zim screaming. Then he ran off and returned with a huge plate of waffles thoroughly soaked in maple syrup.

"WAAAAFFFLESS!" he screamed, then fell on the floor giggling.

_Back at Dib's house:_

"Gaz! How do I look?!" Dib demanded of his sister, trying on his hamster costume.

Gaz took her time looking up, "Dumb," she commented then went back to her gameslave.

"No Gaz! Do I look like a giant hamster?! Like....I'm a real one!" he kept babbling. Gaz's eye twitched as her hand moved toward the baseball bat. Dib noticed and started backing away, "Oh, right, yes, just fine, ok, I'm going! Zim'll never see this one coming! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Gaz's eyes snapped open, "You can go now," She growled.

He tried to smile innocently and scrabble for the doorknob behind him at the same time. Then he raced out of the house and down the street to Zim's house.

Dib rang the doorbell and waited....and waited....and waited. He ran over and looked in the window...the house was dark.


	2. The day the waffles came ch 2

_Still in front of Zim's base..._

Dib tried the door, and found it open. So poor, unsuspecting Dib walked riiiight on in.

Zim descended from the ceiling on his back-pack spider-legs, landing behind Dib and shutting the door. Dib whirled and saw Zim standing in front of the door and grinning evilly.

Dib opened his mouth and started screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Zim frowned, losing patience, "-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Zim's eye twitched, "-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....." Dib gasped for breath to keep going.

"SILENCE!!" Zim screamed.

Dib blinked, "Er...why?"

"Because....uh...," Zim shrugged, "Eh."

The spider-legs came out of his backpack and he picked Dib up, chucking him into storage area 4 under the couch. He scrambled after. "Now Dib, face my wr-..."

Dib pulled a small silver object out and pointed it at Zim, "HAH!" he cut Zim's tirade off.

"WHAT IS THAT?! ...AAAIIII! MY EYES!!" Zim dropped to the floor and started running around in circles, screaming.

Gir peeled himself off Zim's head, "YAY! YOUR HEAD'S ON FIRE!!" he screamed, pointing at the hysterical Zim.

Dib looked around nervously, "...but...I didn't DO anythi-..."

"CURSE YOU DIB!!!" Zim cried, pointing one black-gloved finger in Dib's face, "CUUURRRSSEE YOU!!!"

Dib took a step back and looked for an exit, Zim went back to screaming and running around.

Dib took the roundish silver object back out and looked at it. He caught his reflection in the silver surface and realized that he was still in the hamster suit. "Oooh yeaaah," he muttered.

Zim crawled up to him, both eyes twitching, "You filthy....human....worm-baby FILTH!" he paused to have a fit. "CURSE YOU AND YOUR HUMAN FILTH!!!"

"I LOVE YOU!" Gir screamed, latching onto the back of the hamster head costume, "LET'S GO PLAY WITH THE SQUIRREL!!"

Dib ran screaming from Gir, who was slowly squishing the stuffing out of the hamster head. "AAAAAAAAAAAAA-" THUNK "-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" THUNK "AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!" THUNK!

After dislodging Gir the third time he ran into a wall that looked kind of like a door, he ran back to the screaming Zim, grabbed him and smacked him into a box. The impact triggered boosters in Zim's backpack, and both went screaming back up the way they came.

They rammed into the couch, rebounded and shot into the top floor of the house. Zim curled up and twitched as green waffles began to rain down on him and Dib.

"AAAAAAHH!" Dib jumped up and ran screaming hysterically from Zim's house.

He ran all the way home, ran in the door and slammed it. He sat there gasping, covered in hamster-y goodness and streaming slimy green waffles, and shivering while his eyes twitched. "GAZ! HELP ME!" he screamed.

Gaz looked up and snickered, "Ok, that's funny," she grinned and went back to drawing a little piggy.

Dib screamed and ran up the stairs, waving his green waffle-covered arms...thingies.

_Back at the waffle-infested base..._

Gir ran through the waffles, screaming like a monkey and scarfing the waffles down as quickly as he could get them in his mouth.

Zim picked himself up out of the carnage of green waffle-y goodness. Something caught his eye, "What's THAT?" he muttered, slogging through the waffles.

He picked up a roundish silver thing and held it up, "Eh?"


	3. The day the waffles came ch 3

_Still on Invader property human FILTH!_

Zim held the strange silver object at arms length and flipped it over. There was a button on the other side...so he pressed it.

A tight, bright, red beam shot out and into Gir's face.

Zim screamed and dropped it, diving under a pile of waffles.

Gir screamed, grabbed his head and fell over laughing maniacally.

_Back at the big-head-boy's house..._

Dib was rummaging through the remains of his hamster costume. "Where IS it?!" he muttered, scattering bits of costume and fluff around his room. He burrowed out of sight.

"GACK-kgffff!" he heard a voice from outside the hamster-costume guts.

He stuck his head up, bits of fluff clinging to all over him, "Wha-...?"

His eyes widened.

Gaz stood in the doorway, squishing the life out of a piece of fluff, eyes twitching.

"You will PAY!" she snarled.

Dib opted for screaming, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"

_Hands off the Superweapons human worm-baby!_

"That," Glffgg "horrible Dib-monkey will," Gffflg "face the wrath of ZIM!" Gfflg

"Hey, these HORRIBLE GREEN waffles aren't that bad Gir." Zim stopped his pacing and stared at the waffle he'd been munching.

Gir giggled, "MINE'S GOT CHALK 'N' PEANUT BUTTER INIT!" he shrieked proudly.

Zim looked at him, "Oooookaaaay," he muttered and started pacing again. He stopped pacing and glared at the piled waffles in his way.

"GIR!" he yelled, "These DISGUSTING waffle creatures dare to stand against ZIM!" he glared around him, then shuddered, "EAT THEM!"

"SSHHH!" he held one tiny finger to his mouth, "I'M GONNA EET DEM!" he screamed.

Zim blinked, waited and frowned, "Well?!" he glared at the oblivious robot, "Why're you still sitting there?!"

Gir stuck out the tip of his tongue a little to the side and stared contentedly at the wall.

The silence stretched on. Gir blinked, Zim blinked.

Gir pointed at the wall and burst out laughing insanely. He fell on the floor and windmilling his legs, going around in circles. "AAAAAA AAAAIIIII AAAAAAA AAAABAAADAAAAAAA!" he screamed.

"Oh great!" Zim yelled, smacking his head, "The waffles broke your brain!"

"C'mon Gir," he walked over, grabbed Gir by the doohickey on top of his head and dragged him through the towering waffles.

Gir screamed happily, flailing his limbs.

The silver object lay in among the waffles looking perfectly innocent, reflecting the happy, happy afternoon sunlight.

Gir grabbed it in passing and ate it. Then started screaming happily again.


End file.
